S. Kambar Khoshaba, the principal of South County High School, with his father, Sam. PHOTO COURTESY OF S. KAMBAR KHOSHABA

I have one of the most rewarding, time-consuming, and essential jobs on the planet. On any given day I’m a chief decision-maker, motivator, cheerleader, counselor, facilitator, encourager, safety expert, and public relations point person just to name a few. Why would I add author to that list?

It all began one afternoon, 30 years ago in my apartment at Radford University. I was in graduate school studying to become a school psychologist. As I gazed out the window, my thoughts just flooded in, and I daydreamed about becoming a high school principal. With my father’s good friend, Principal John Kilpatrick, as my role model, I dreamed of one day being a strong, supportive, and empathetic leader who could impact families the way he had impacted mine. After an extremely gratifying and productive career that spanned 27 years and included serving as a school psychologist, special education teacher, and middle school principal, my dream came true in August 2022 when I became the principal of South County High School in Lorton, VA.

Prioritizing Family

Walt Disney once said “Keep Moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things. Your curiosity will lead you down the path of success.” With that in mind, my dreaming and curiosity, coupled with a strong work ethic, drove me—a person of color from a Middle Eastern background—to push for new opportunities.

My father was and still is my hero. As a single parent, he raised my two sisters and me in the 1970s, which was an unheard-of family composition at that time. Divorces were commonplace, but fathers having custody of the children were not. I was taught at an early age that family is always the most important priority in life. I know other cultures share that same sentiment. With my family name, there were numerous times that I heard racial slurs. It got to the point that as a child I would often introduce myself by my first name when meeting new people. My last name brought too many questions, and too often insults.

As a young person, I didn’t always prioritize family. Trust me, even to this day, my father calls me out when I’m not aligned with our family values. At 87 years old, Dad continues to be the leader in our ever-expanding household. I often liken our family to the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I literally have dozens of first and second cousins, all of whom I love tremendously. Regardless of the number, there remains one North Star: Dad. His gentle strength, kindness, and perseverance are the reasons I am the man I am today. So, back to my earlier question: Why would I, a high school principal with a very busy schedule, want to write a book?

As it turns out, I have been writing for Principal Leadership for several years. I often say that relationships are reciprocal. After receiving and using so many great ideas from other principals from around the country via this magazine, I often felt compelled to share something that I found to work with my colleagues. Over the years, a few faculty members and colleagues read my articles and would jokingly suggest that I write a book. I kept this in the back of my mind but didn’t act on it until I took a family vacation last year.

Today’s students do not all have people in their homes to encourage them to push through frustrations and fears like my father did for me. That’s my “why” for being a principal.

Two summers ago, my niece, Rachel, and I were discussing the need for our family to take a winter vacation together. We hadn’t done so in years, and we both missed being together. I never would have thought this vacation would mark the beginning of my writing a book about my varied experiences in education.

So, in December 2022 in the warmth of Cancun, Mexico, I began writing from my heart. I reflected on the experiences that I felt were most impactful: increasing the number of students of color in advanced classes, creating a Social Justice Council for staff and students, and engaging in highly effective techniques that improved teacher morale. Before I knew it, the book was writing itself. I was becoming the author that those staff members and colleagues had seen in me and that I hadn’t yet recognized in myself.

Finding Time to Write

Of course, the book could not be written exclusively during the days of that vacation. There were the realistic challenges of returning home and having to attend four to six nights of after-school events. Time was a scarce commodity; however, I would steal any moments I could, whether on Sunday afternoons or weeknights when I wasn’t at a school event. The author Joyce Meyer once said, “Wisdom is doing now what you are going to be happy with later on.” I had to find my rhythm with writing, and once I did, it was cathartic, nostalgic, and humbling. I was reliving my career through this form of expression.

I reflected on my life and the lessons learned from work and family. As I began writing, the title of my book began to take shape. I reflected on conversations I had with colleagues where I lamented my work frustrations. At that time, one person responded to me, “Don’t take it personal.” My response was there’s no way not to take this work personally when we are shaping the futures of thousands of young people while keeping them safe, happy, and engaged. As principals, we’re all doing the same heavy lifting: missing time with family and friends, comforting students and staff in times of need, and encouraging those we serve to continue pressing forward in the face of fear or anxiety. This work is extremely personal.

That conversation, along with all the strategies and experiences I have had throughout my successful career led me to title the book, Pulling Back the Curtain on School Leadership: Why and How to Make Learning PERSONAL. “Personal” became an acronym (see below) for all the ways I have tried to be a positive and inspirational leader for those I serve.

The writing flowed so easily that it was almost like writing in a diary. In the end, there were technical aspects that were not “diary-like,” but I found myself growing from the experience. Students, teachers, and parents had impacted me in such a positive way for decades, and now I had the chance to share those experiences to motivate and inspire future generations of leaders.

After finishing the book, which was recently published, my best friend asked me why I wrote it. The answer was easy: my father. I wanted him to know the impact he had on my life and realize that I put the skills he taught me to good use. Some of the stories I share in the book are things I never had the courage to tell him. As human beings, we are not always the best at communicating our emotions to one another. But while I still have him with me, I need him to know how much I not only love him, but how his courage to come to America, fight through his own challenges, and create our beautiful family inspired me to do the work I do with my students and staff. The book is my tribute to him.

Today’s students do not all have people in their homes to encourage them to push through frustrations and fears like my father did for me. That’s my “why” for being a principal. I want to bring hope to those who don’t have it. I want to be the voice of the voiceless. And I want to help students see the amazing gifts that they have come to fruition. Those gifts are in every student, and we need to be their beacons of hope. To that end, I also wrote this book to encourage future school leaders to savor the great moments, stay strong during the challenging times, and above all make every student’s and staff member’s educational experience personal. Thanks for being my beacon of hope, Dad.

S. Kambar Khoshaba is the principal of South County High School in Lorton, VA. In 2021, he was recognized as the Outstanding Middle School Principal of the Year in Virginia. Learn more at kambarkhoshaba.com.